53 days
I was told that time would make me see that I was hanging on because I was somehow addicted to "my trauma bond". I keep wondering when this epiphany that will make me okay is supposed to suddenly happen. I just don't see a monster. I don't see a narcissist. I don't see an abuser. I don't see you in any other way than my Jimmy. I was told that my trauma fog would lift and my senses would come back with my words. But as my words are slowly coming back, nothing has changed my what my heart feels. I was told not to forgive because it was unforgivable and that I should be angry because I didn't deserve it. I can't forgive myself for my reaction to your distress and disregulation. I am angry for not behaving with the same compassion and care that I use with my students. Had I been a better person, you would not be gone. Had I been what you needed in a wife, you would not be going through all this. Had I been anything like the me you married, I would not be c...